I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
