how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i've created a new STD.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
