well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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