He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
