she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
