there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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