she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
