what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
