I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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