Your tits are I can't wait for
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
