I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
That accounts for only three of the penises
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
