I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
