Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
it's great music for shaving your balls
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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