Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
