If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
