a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
