we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
