Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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