it wasn't lemon gatorade
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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