Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
