until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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