Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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