He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
