I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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