we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
