you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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