oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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