An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
