I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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