It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
