a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
