I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
youre lurking in front of me
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
