we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
