He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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