After last night, I could never be a politician.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
