I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
