I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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