Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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