Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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