My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
