haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
