he was CRYING into my vagina
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
