I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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