I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
