stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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