I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
