I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
