I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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