You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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