dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i was born a porn star she said
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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