I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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