a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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