Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
