lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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