You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
