I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
