Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
