hell yes lets make some ravioli
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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