There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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