yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
