Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
